Category: Learning Log

Lucas deMey

12/6/17

Emerson

Bad academic paper

 

The paper i chose to analyze is titled “Impact Of Biodiversity Loss on Ocean Ecosystems”. The reason i chose this paper to analyze was that its is immensely complicated with high level words on a difficult subject and i wanted to see how well the author would explain this to someone with little to no background on the topic. The reason I think this is a bad writing is that it’s hard to understand at some points the sentences are just so jam packed with information it’s hard to determine what the author is getting at its almost like their just throwing information back into your face. Take this quote for example “These regional biodiversity losses impaired at least three critical ecosystem services (Fig. 2D): number of viable (non collapsed) fisheries (–33%); provision of nursery habitats such as oyster reefs, seagrass beds, and wetlands (–69%); and filtering and detoxification services provided by suspension feeders, submerged vegetation, and wetlands (–63%). Loss of filtering services probably contributed to declining water quality (18) and the increasing occurrence of harmful algal blooms, fish kills, shellfish and beach closures, and oxygen depletion (Fig. 2E). Increasing coastal flooding events (Fig. 2E) are linked to sea level rise but were probably accelerated by historical losses of floodplains and erosion control provided by coastal wetlands, reefs, and submerged vegetation (7).”. It’s almost as if there was no substance to that passage just straight information you have no idea what the author is getting to and what there point is making this almost useless writing.

Another reason i didn’t like this paper was that they didn’t simplify or explain anything to the average everyday person the acted like everyone on earth is marine biologist and would completely understand that passage with ease that’s why i think this academic writer stinks.

 

LINK : http://science.sciencemag.org/content/314/5800/787.full

Lucas deMey

12/2/17

Emerson

Framing prompt

 

Learning outcome 1

1. My ability to revise has skyrocketed this year i’ve really been improve my writing locally by reading my papers aloud so i can hear any awkward phrases and catch any grammatical mistakes as well. This has really helped me because all of the surface errors in my papers was really bringing down my grades and now that i catch them i can really get the grades i want on my paper .Another way i locally edit is by rereading all of the quotes in the my paper to make sure they are all cited properly.  while when i revise globally i tend to focus more on making sure all of my evidence matches up with my claim sentences. Another thing i do when i globally edit is rereading my sources to see if there’s any more quotes i could be using to better my argument. All of this considered i believe my revision skill has become far greater in the last few weeks.

Learning outcome 2

2. I believe that my use of quotes has become exponentially better since highschool i used to think quotes were just something to use to add length to a paper this i’ve come to know is entirely not true i’ve learned that the use of quotes can make or break a paper take this except from my paper about the internet “ “But when we’re out in public checking in on our phones, we are creating new private spaces in the public arena.”(leonard 2) By using our devices in public, we are shutting ourselves off from the world and disconnecting from all around us. Diminishing our social experience and dampening our view of the world, these “private arenas” cut us off from other humans and being the social animals that we are it could be detrimental to us finding our purpose in life as it usually involves being a part of something larger than just ourselves.”. As you can see i built my argument around that quote to make sure that my claim was supported by evidence. Clearly i’ve learned alot about using quotes to my advantage.

 

Learning Outcome 5 and 6

I’ve learned that using the MLA guidelines to locally edit my paper was the easiest most effective way to locally revise my paper. MLA gives me a nice checklist that i can make my way down to make sure that my paper is absolutely perfect in order to get the best grade. That’s where this checklist becomes important because it allows me to get rid of all of the surface errors in my paper.Creating flow and smoothness in my writing clearly making the writing even better by making it look more appealing to the reader.

 

4.

Learning Outcome 4

My experience with peer review this semester has been incredibly positive . When others read my paper i feel as though they catch more mistakes because its their first seeing the paper .They aren’t blind to the errors the way i can be because of how many times i’ve read the paper. Whilst reviewing my peers papers i try to focus mostly on global revision, because most of the local revision errors will be ironed out later . so i try to focus on giving advice on evidence and thesis statements rather than fixing punctuation and grammar. In my own personal experience with peer review i’ve realized that most of the things people needed help with was finding points they can elaborate on, in order to reach the page requirement whilst still having minimal fluff in the paper. That’s where i was most influential because i was able to find pieces of evidence that the writer could explain better or topics that the writer could add in order to strengthen their argument and making their paper more persuasive . Clearly peer review was an amazing and influential part of my english 110 experience.

 

Lucas deMey

9/14/17

Emerson

Writing prompt 3 revision strategy

 

My revision strategy is fairly simple i noticed that most of the errors in my paper were surface errors things like missing punctuation, awkward word choice and run on sentences. The way i’m going to fix these issues is by going through sentence by sentence and reading it out loud to make sure i catch any of these pesky surface errors. I also think some of my paragraphs could use some trimming in order to make sure there’s no fluff to my paper. I also  think i could better use waisks text in my paragraph about the bandwagon effect so i will reread “my crowd experiment to find quotes that will better back my claim sentence. Because the evidence i have as of now does not seem sufficient and with the trimming of fluff i may need this new evidence in order to meet the length requirement.

My first peper was on emerging adult hood in this paper I discussed the importance on emerging adult hood.
After this paper was graded I realized that my writing is strong but needs a lot of polishing to become great. One thing I realized was that one my grammar needed work and my use of commas was very inappropriate also I need to learn how to work harder to fulfill length requirements. On the bright side I demonstrated excellent word choice and good understanding of the topic as well as great flow in my writing I think these traits as well as the ones that I’m working to improve will really propel my writing to the next level and help me become a more professional and skilled writer. This was the first entry in my learning log.